10 top US malaise-era classic cars

Detroit dejection

The 1970s’ social, political and economical upheavals caught Detroit unawares.

Rising fuel prices made the vast, thirsty sedans, station wagons and muscle cars that had been its stock-in-trade a lot less acceptable.

But even without the effects of the 1973 oil crisis, buyers were tiring of the poor build quality of many domestic cars, and the yearly changes that obliged them to trade in for a new model that wasn’t very new at all.

The public was also increasingly aware of the value, reliability and economy of imported cars. Where VW had laid the groundwork, now Toyota, Datsun and Honda were blazing a trail with thrifty compacts.

Sales of boring but sturdy Volvos boomed as buyers recognised the safety issues endemic in cars that were engineered around styling fads rather than crashworthiness.

Even sacred cows Cadillac and Lincoln were under threat from BMW and Benz, making cars that handled and stopped properly, sounding the death knell for Detroit’s classic land yachts.

Commercial pressure was only half the story. The federal government was adding increasingly unrealistic emissions and safety rules, ushering in the era of ‘park bench’ impact bumpers and emasculated V8s.

Detroit’s responses to these challenges were laughably inadequate, giving rise to a dynasty now known collectively as the ‘malaise era’.

Poorly built, hideously styled, underpowered and horrid to drive, the awfulness of these cars offers an increasing fascination.

1. Buick Riviera

The 1963 Riviera rates as one of the most beautiful American production cars, a four-seater coupe with simple, almost Italianate lines.

It went through various incarnations during the ’60s and into the ’70s, yet remained true to the concept of two-door luxury and elegance with refined but thrusting big-block V8 power.

The 1971-’73 boat-tails were the first to suffer the indignity of urge-sapping emissions equipment, but the real sell-out came for 1974 (above) when the Riviera became just another gilded, obese coupe in the Lincoln Continental mould, complete with opera windows, vinyl roof and massive, ugly bumpers.

It was still big, heavy and luxurious, but with 230bhp (from 7.5 litres) it didn’t even pretend to be quick.

There was worse to come: power dropped to 205bhp for ’76 and it was obvious that, to maintain any semblance of pace, a smaller, lighter Riviera was required.

Sure enough, the 1977-’78 cars lost 700Ib, but were more gruesome to look at than ever, destroying the credibility of a once great name.

Anorak fact Buick called the formal, half-vinyl top of 1974 the ‘Colonnade’ roof

2. Ford Granada

This compact luxury sedan and coupe was Ford’s desperate response to the success of the Mercedes W114, against which it was supposedly benchmarked.

Based on a 15-year-old Falcon/Mustang floorpan – complete with leaf-sprung live rear axle – the Granada (also sold as the Mercury Monarch) slotted in between the Maverick and Torino.

It came with two flavours of heavily detoxed Windsor V8, good for about 100mph and 11mpg, and astonishingly anaemic 3.3- and 4.1-litre ‘sixes’ that, at around 70bhp, were the weakest in the American industry.

The larger of the two would saunter past 60mph in 23 secs thanks to a power-to-weight ratio more akin to a 1920s vehicle than something from the mid-’70s, yet it still only returned 12mpg.

Ghia trim packages and even a basic form of optional anti-lock braking were attempts to give this risible machine a ‘Euro’ flavour, combined with a marketing campaign that made very unsubtle overtures about the Granada’s ‘bargain Benz’ status.

Conceived by Lee Iacocca, the Granada was a masterclass in marketing sleight-of-hand over engineering that gave two million undiscriminating buyers the car they deserved.

Ford briefly considered importing the vastly superior European Granada before embarking on this design, but dismissed the notion as uneconomical.

Anorak fact In 1977, Hodec converted Mercury Monarchs to right-hand drive for the British market, priced at £7200 each

3. Chevrolet Vega

A hastily contrived and poorly engineered sub-compact, the Vega was at least fairly pretty in original two-door fastback form.

With its four-link rear suspension, nor was it quite so cynically designed as Ford’s Pinto.

The real problem lay with its all-aluminium, overhead-camshaft four-cylinder engine, which, as well as being noisy and rough, suffered from overheating problems, warped heads and oil leaks.

This unappealing 2.3-litre lump also offered terrible fuel consumption in relation to the performance available – as little as 19mpg, depending on the model year.

In 1972, 500,000 Vegas were recalled with rear-axle issues and sticking throttle linkages, and many had front wings replaced under warranty, despite claims that the Vega would be ‘one of the best built cars in its class’.

Like the Pinto, it’s rarely absent from ‘worst cars ever’ lists.

Anorak fact To save on railroad shipping costs, Vegas were stacked vertically on their noses to make better use of the available space, with sump baffles and other measures to prevent the various fluids from draining away

4. Chrysler Cordoba

Sales of mid-sized coupes such as the Pontiac Grand Prix, Chevrolet Monte Carlo and Ford Thunderbird had proved that these status-symbol two-door boudoirs still had an audience, and Chrysler flogged the idea to death with its contribution, the 1975-’83 Cordoba.

Huge as it appears, the Cordoba was Chrysler’s first mid-size car, and its initial success propped up the brand as buyers abandoned the full-size Newports and New Yorkers.

With its faux-Mercedes grille, half-vinyl top, opera windows and a choice of three V8s (up to 7 litres, but less than 200bhp), it was classic malaise fodder.

As flabby in a straight line as it was in corners, and good for 12mpg, the Cordoba squandered Chrysler’s reputation for building well-engineered cars a cut above the general morass. It was as bad as everything else, in other words.

Yet the Cordoba had something the others didn’t: Corinthian leather. Corinthian?

The utter meaninglessness of the name, with its classical Greek associations, has assumed a minor cult significance over the years, one of the great touchstones of the world of cod-heraldic, velour-trimmed luxo-bargery that makes cars such as this fun in an awful sort of way.

Anorak fact Cheesy, rug-wearing Ricardo Montalbán (he of Fantasy Island fame, among other things) was the face of the Cordoba in its TV adverts

5. AMC Gremlin

Before the Pacer came the Gremlin, launched on 1 April ’70.

Without the Big Three’s resources, AMC had to be creative and was first into the domestic sub-compact arena with a car that was essentially its Hornet sedan with 12in cut off behind the rear wheels for an overall length just 2in greater than a Beetle.

Its brutally hacked-off tail looked as if it had been rear-ended by a truck, and there was less room in the back than in the German car, yet neither the styling nor the unflattering name put off buyers: AMC made 650,000 Gremlins through to 1978.

A V8 option from ’72 didn’t boost its image as a fuel-sipper, but since the more common straight-sixes were hardly thrifty it didn’t appear to matter: the Gremlin looked parsimonious, and that was what counted.

It was as dismal to drive as its specification hinted – huge understeer being the order of the day.

Anorak fact A number of variants were offered, including the X with seats trimmed in Levi’s denim

6. Oldsmobile Delta 88 diesel

From 1978-’85, GM flirted with diesel technology.

The theory was sound: diesels weren’t subject to the same emissions regulations as petrol units, and Mercedes and Peugeot were doing good business with oil-burners offering reliability and economy.

Oldsmobile came up with a diesel version of its 350cu in V8, labelled LF9, with a reinforced block to take the loads associated with compression ignition.

To cut costs, engineers failed to give it sufficient head bolts: the rash of gasket failures – among other issues – gave diesel a reputation in North America from which it never really recovered.

The world’s first V8 diesel saloon was pretty grim anyway, with anaemic pace that got even worse in 1981 when power dropped from 120 to 101bhp.

Anorak fact Unhappy buyers launched a class action against GM to recoup 80% of the cost of new units

7. Ford Pinto

Even without the recalls and lawsuits associated with its fuel-tank design, the 1971-’80 Pinto was a miserable vehicle.

Ford’s first sub-compact used the European Kent engine, giving as little as 54bhp, and started off as a neatly styled two-door sedan, but was soon available as a hatch, a station wagon (with fake wood appliqué) and a panel-van ‘cruiser’ with a porthole, which looked like the sort of thing a criminal would use.

There was even an ultra-basic ‘Pinto Pony MPG’ in 1976, good for 38mpg, before it grew the inevitable impact bumpers and ended its days with an ugly forward-slanting nose.

Nearly three million were sold, but it will always be haunted by the legacy of its exploding tank, which resulted in one of the largest payouts in legal history.

Anorak fact Internal documents revealed that Ford had worked out that the cost of re-engineering the fuel tank exceeded the projected lawsuit liability, so the design remained unchanged until a 1978 recall

8. Lincoln Continental MkIV

The Continentals of the 1960s and early ’70s had been big, fast, quiet ‘personal luxury’ cars that had their place as a means of plush, reliable high-speed travel in a world where economy didn’t matter.

But as power and size were reined in, Lincoln had to find other ways to differentiate its flagship from lesser vehicles.

Enter the MkIV ‘Designer Series’ in ’76, with Cartier (above), Givenchy, Gucci and Bill Blass lending their names to tarted-up versions of Frank Cannon’s favourite wheels, each marked out by its colour scheme and detail trim.

The last of the real land yachts – nearly 20ft long, with a big-block 7.5-litre V8 – these special editions had the relevant designer’s signature etched into their opera windows and a 22-carat gold plaque on their simulated-wood dashboards.

Anorak fact Original Continental MkIV Designer Series owners could have their names engraved into the gold plaque on the fascia

9. Cadillac Seville

In 1976, Cadillac produced an 8.2-litre engine that only made 180bhp.

Then there was the Cimarron, a badge-engineered ’80s horror (based on the Vauxhall Cavalier) that insulted the brand and the intelligence of its customers.

Compared to that, the Seville is quite benign. It went front-drive for 1980, with all-independent suspension, disc brakes and (not very good) electronic engine management.

Less happy was the ‘bustleback’ styling, beloved by recently departed GM design supremo Bill Mitchell.

This razor-edge profile paid homage to the ‘Empress line’ Hooper Daimlers and Rolls-Royces of the 1930s, ’40s and early ’50s; trouble was, it looked absurd on the squat, stunted Seville, bringing to mind neo-classic pastiche vehicles such as the Excalibur and Zimmer.

Anorak fact The 1980 Sevilles were the first US cars to come with a standard diesel – the same dog’s dinner found in the Olds Delta 88

10. Ford Mustang II

High insurance premiums, on top of fuel-crisis issues and safety concerns, had effectively killed off the American muscle car long before the malaise era kicked in.

But it was a neat illustration of the sad demise of the formerly virile Mustang that you could buy it with a four-cylinder engine for the 1974 model year.

Enter the Mustang II, based on the barely adequate Pinto sub-compact.

In some ways this car was well timed, pre-empting the beginning of the fuel shortages, and – like many malaise cars – it sold well.

The Mustang II was promoted as a return to a smaller, nimbler breed of Ford Mustang after the enormous 1971-’73 models, but it looked stunted and ridiculous.

There were hardtop, fastback and T-top bodies (but no full convertibles), plus V6 and even V8 engines, although with a mere 139bhp the 5-litre Mustang II didn’t exactly light up its rear tyres.

So you can forget Steve McQueen and Bullitt: the only moment of glory for this desperate effort was a starring role in the laughable Charlie’s Angels.

Anorak fact Sales of the Mustang II topped one million and, in 1974, it got within 10% of the original pony car’s best year