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Which motoring nation will lift this fabled trophy?
It’s a question we ask ourselves every four years: who would win a football-derived international classic car tournament?
We don’t mean having a kickaround with classic cars. That would be silly. No, we’re talking about a competition that pits countries against one another in a battle of motoring heritage – where their respective starting elevens are made up of that nation’s automotive history, from mainstream makes to obscure manufacturers.
Can Poland, with its plucky Polski Fiat, topple Germany's arsenal of legendary marques? Can Uruguay, with its cities full of classics, clinch a shock win over the manufacturing might of Australia? And, with big hitters Italy and the USA out of the running, can some automotive upstart claim the crown?
You don't have to wait until 15 July to find out: here's the inaugural Classic Car World Cup – based on the entrants to this year’s footballing equivalent.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group A
First up, we’ve got the group stages – and Group A offers slim pickings in the heritage stakes.
With no car-making history to speak of, Saudi Arabia never leaves the bottom of the table, while Egypt’s state-owned Nasr car company – founded in the ‘60s – proves to be no Salah compared to the countless classics kept alive on Uruguay’s roads.
Top spot goes to host nation Russia, though, with its rugged Lada and GAZ wagons dominating the opposition.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group B
Into Group B (no, not that one) and we see a closer reflection of the footballing world in our four-wheeled competition.
It’s an all-Mediterranean affair at the top, with Spanish classics – including a raft of Fiat-derived Seat machines and several BMC models marketed through Authi – edging out a sterling effort from Portgual’s racing Edfor marque and the '50s Alba.
Despite its fleet of Mercedes taxis and a host of French makers on its property, Morocco finishes a disappointing third, with Iran hauled off to the authorities for alleged badge-engineering on the Hillman Hunter-derived Paykan.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group C
Firm favourites France put on a class performance to head up Group C, with the heady team of Renault, Peugeot and Citroën achieving a clean sweep.
Australia comes in a respectable second, the decades-long Ford/Holden story backed up by the manufacturing might of Mitsubishi, Toyota and even British Leyland.
Peru’s 1908 Grieve machine is only good enough to beat down-and-out Denmark, whose campaign is blighted when its DAB bus is disqualified on account of being, well, a bus.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group D
Less convincing in victory than its Messi-led equivalent, Argentina sneaks a win in Group D thanks to a heavy foreign manufacturing presence, polished off with a few licensed models built by IKA – not least the Alfa-derived Bergantin.
In what proves to be a very close contest, Nigeria comes home second on account of both VW and Peugeot building thousands of models there in the '70s.
Not far behind are Iceland and Croatia, both lacking in the marque department – though the classic car scene of the former wins it a few points for effort.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group E
Brazil’s limited transfer market (after a '76 ban on imported cars) created a surprising surge in domestic talent, with the Bianco S, Brasinca 4200GT Uirapuru and L’Automobile Ventura real standout performers in the footie-mad nation’s rise to the top of Group E.
Switzerland’s Rinspeed tuning house is backed up by '70s luxury car maker Monteverdi to score a surprising second, while Serbia’s Fiat-rebadging Zastava narrowly tops Costa Rica and its star player, the GM Amigo pickup.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group F
Group F looks like the classic group of death, but Germany turns out to be dominant with its dream team of classic marques: BMW, Mercedes and VW (despite the latter falling foul of an official fitness test).
Defensive stalwarts Volvo show a surprising turn of speed with the 850 Estate to steal second place for Sweden from the manufacturing might of Mexico, while South Korea languishes in fourth with a fleet of machines too inexperienced to tackle its long-established rivals – even with the combined efforts of Renault and Samsung behind it.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group G
Far from favourites on the field, England easily claims Group G honours in this alternative Cup with a TVR and Triumph line-up that puts in a sporty performance to defy pre-tournament consistency doubts.
Belgium makes a strong showing with its Apal coupés and Imperia wagons, going through ahead of bottom-dwellers Panama and Tunisia – neither of which have a manufacturing record to speak of, besides the latter’s recent Wallyscar effort.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars: Group H
Last of the groups is H, in which Japan takes a clean sweep, with the light-but-fast team of the Mazda MX-5, Toyota Supra and Mitsubishi Lancer.
Upstarts Poland put in a respectable performance with their licensed Polski Fiat machines to wind up second, ahead of Colombia which, though lacking in marques, benefits from a sturdy fan following and the presence of GM Colmotores. Senegal’s only saving grace? It used to be home to the Dakar rally.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: France vs Nigeria
Into the last 16 and France’s bevy of heritage marques sees it trounce Nigeria’s back catalogue of loaned foreign pickup trucks.
The match isn’t without controversy, as Peugeot Automobile of Nigeria makes an appearance against the country which spawned it, but the old guard of Matra, Facel Vega and Venturi comfortably see it off – with a unexpected selection from the bench for Pescarolo Automobiles in the second half.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: Russia vs Portugal
Russia faces nippy opposition from Portugal’s racing ‘52 Alba in this second last-16 face-off, with the Entreposto Sado 550 microcar attempting to slip undetected behind the defensive line.
Alas, Russia’s sturdy defence doesn’t shift, with the first ever Soviet car – the NAMI-I – and its later Lada successors deploying stiff fenders to edge out a hard-fought but well-deserved victory for the host nation.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: Spain vs Uruguay
Besides its fleet of foreign classics run, repaired and run again, Uruguay fields a NSU P10 for its last-16 encounter with Spain.
Alas, while it might benefit from German engineering, longevity proves woeful, opening the door for Spain’s wonderful Pegaso Z-102 sports car and a barrage of Barreiros tractors to steal the win and go through to the quarter finals.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: Australia vs Argentina
Almost disqualified for attempting to field a De Tomaso Pantera (on account of the company’s founder being born and raised there), Argentina settles for a menagerie of microcars – including a Dinarg D-200, an Isetta and a Bambi.
Australia rapidly dispatches its diminutive opponents, putting its star players – the Holden 48-215 and Ford Falcon GT-HO – to good use in securing a quarter final slot.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: Brazil vs Sweden
Sweden pulls out the style for its last-16 bout with Brazil, a Volvo P1800S leading the Swedes to a narrow victory over the remainder of Brazil’s sports car stable, the Santa Matilde SM 4.1 making a welcome return alongside the Puma GT.
Absent Italians wrongly celebrate one appearance, believing Brazil’s 1980 Hofstetter Turbo to be a Lamborghini Countach.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: England vs Poland
Taking rebadging to a new level, Poland brings an FSO Polonez to the pitch for its quarter final tie-up with England – derived from a Polski Fiat 125p, itself built under license from Fiat.
Standing up well in a bruising match, England’s Jaguar E-types are unbeatable, spurred on by a bevy of bullish Bristol cars on the bench, dominating the Polonez and progressing with 4.2-litre finesse to the next round.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: Germany vs Switzerland
As the Swiss-conceived Swatchmobile only made it into being as the German-owned Smart Car, it’s down to GM Europe (headquartered in Zurich) to turn out for Switzerland in this European encounter – but it’s not enough to trump Germany’s vast motoring heritage.
Several iconic machines arrive for the Swiss-beating fixture, including a Porsche 356, a Mk1 Golf and a Melkus RS 1000 – last seen training in Dresden in ‘79.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars last 16: Japan vs Belgium
Both sides in this final last-16 battle have history going back a century, but the sheer breadth of Nissan’s lasting heritage – encompassing the 240Z, Skyline 2000GT-R and Micra Super Turbo, among others – eclipses Belgium’s respectable but less-known names, including the likes of Minerva and, more recently, Gillet.
It's sushi all round as the wafflers are sent home to Brussels.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars quarter-finals: Russia vs France
Into the quarter finals and nationality rules come into question when Russia attempts to field a Trabant 601 built under Soviet rule in East Germany.
Eventually benched on account of being an awful car, Russia’s compact AZLK Moskvitch-402 puts in a sterling effort in its place – but it’s no match for a French team renewed by the arrival of several Simca wagons and a handful more in their away kit (rebadged as Talbot by new owners PSA Peugeot Citroën), buoyed up by Bugatti off the bench.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars quarter-finals: Sweden vs England
Its Scania trucks disallowed, Sweden fields a borderline classic for its quarter-final clash with England in the shape of Koenigsegg – but it’s not enough to overcome the combined might of McLaren, Morgan and MG.
Claims of Chinese interference with the latter tarnish what is otherwise an entertaining encounter, notable for repeated use of the Scandinavian flick.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars quarter-finals: Australia vs Spain
Scraping the barrel, Spain calls up its pre-1937 Hispano-Suiza reserves, but even the 12-cylinder J12 can’t compete with the reliability of Ford’s first XP Falcon.
The latter country has a scare when its Holden Ute team truck gets lost somewhere around Mount Panorama, but the outfit still does enough to progress to the semis.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars quarter-finals: Germany vs Japan
Last of the quarters sees Japan dig up its Honda Civic Mk1 fleet to take the fight to firm favourites Germany.
Even with some rare Subarus in reserve, though – including the Beetle-aping 360 – and a sporting Toyota 2000GT scything through the pack, Germany’s turbo squad can’t be beaten.
They take a while to get going, but once they’re sprinting the Porsche 930 Turbo and BMW 2002 Turbo can’t be caught, putting Germany through with a wheeze.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars semi-final: France vs England
In a breathless semi-final encounter for the ages, this Anglo-French duel is dominated by race-bred marques.
Gordini delivers pace on the wing for the French, matched yard for yard by Lotus.
AC, Caterham and Ginetta show up for England only to be met by Ligier and Courage machines fresh from training at Magny–Cours.
In the end, it goes down to the wire with – who else? – Aston Martin clinching the last-minute winner for the Three Lions.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars semi-final: Germany vs Australia
Germany fields a proven team for the all-important semi-final, with a host of Horch cars leading the charge, alongside an arsenal of early Auto Union open-wheelers and a Mercedes Pagoda.
Australia deploys its Holden HK Monaro GTS muscle machine in a belief that pure grunt will topple the reigning champions, but it’s not to be: the Socceroos are sent back to Bathurst with their tails between their legs and a newfound appreciation for 12-cylinder luxury cabriolets.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars third place play-off: France vs Australia
Still smarting from their loss to England, the French go up against Australia with an appetite for victory and a rattling 2CV in the dugout.
Turning up with a lesser-spotted Bolwell Nagari and a fleet of Jack Brabham F1 machines, the Australians give them a good run for their money, but the rallying pedigree of the French Alpine narrowly outclasses the brute V8 power of their Aussie opponents to take third place overall – though not before an ailing Renault Alliance announces its retirement.
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The World Cup of Classic Cars final: England vs Germany
It’s the final we all dreamed of seeing and – like the encounters of ‘66 and 2010 before it – this one has its share of controversy: both sides field Minis. Germany’s BMW-built number is disallowed on account of being born in Oxford, while England is instructed to choose just one out of the Austin, Leyland, Morris, Rover and Wolseley variants.
Dispute settled, the Audi Quattro shows deft footwork in midfield (matched by Land Rover) while Porsche goes the full 90 minutes in a feat of pure endurance. Opel and Vauxhall turn up in matching kit and are sent off for scrapping, before it all goes down to penalties.
Despite the best efforts of the iconic 300SL Gullwing, Rolls-Royce and Bentley carry England to a stately victory. Sadly, half the marques never make it home, bought up by Russian oligarchs and sold as Marussia machines.